


Once Upon a Galaxy

by judinthegalaxy



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, At some point there will be a ton, Badass Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grey Side of the Force - Freeform, He doesn't remember he's Ben, Inspired by Anastasia (1997 & Broadway), Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Kylo will do, M for what's to come, May the Force Be With You, Memory Loss, Neither of them know how to use the Force, Prompt Fic, Rey Smuggler, Romance, Running Away, Seduction to the Dark Side, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force Ships It, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judinthegalaxy/pseuds/judinthegalaxy
Summary: In a brief moment, in a heartbeat, things can change forever. Destiny has a funny way to work. When surviving isn’t the only thing that keeps you alive, but curiosity to know and discover who you are, life will change forever.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HI! After watching the prompt for an Anastasia AU (and wanting one, not gonna lie) I decided to take matters into my own hands and write it down myself! However I must say that it won't be a proper AU, more a retelling or so because only the beginning will have similarities. And I'm so excited! 
> 
> I hope you all like it and #MayThe4thBeWithYou

They are being attacked, and Senator Leia Organa knows that. This isn’t the first time she has seen herself stuck in a situation like this one, but this is the first one where she’s carrying her most important possession: her son. Despite her curriculum as a General during the war, she is now feeling useless as she is commanded to stay safe in her quarters, as they try to solve the situation. She can’t stay quiet; her whole body begs her to do something and make sure that the crew is taking the right choices.

A sob breaks through the room when an explosion shakes the ship.

Leia is alerted by that. The child has been on-board of ships since the day he was born. He was even almost born in the Millennium Falcon. So, for him, to sob or be anxious about this is a huge deal, and Leia knows. She kneels before the toddler and smiles at him, noticing how his big brown eyes know that something is happening. Leia sits on the floor and hugs him.

“Everything will be fine, Ben. I promise you.” She kisses his forehead and rubs his cheek.

She has survived a war and helped build the New Republic. Furthermore, as a woman, she fights misogynous men every day in the Senate. But she knows that the fear that is running right through her veins isn’t for her own safety, but for the little boy of black hair and big ears that is curled up in her lap. The escaping pods are an option, but it’s a risky one because they can be interfered; luckily there would be a planet nearby and from there she would do something. 

But luck isn’t on Leia's side, not this time.

She has fought all her life, and she’s willing to do it once more. However, this time the stakes are higher, and more dangerous.

“Senator, we need to move. We can’t stay here.”

Leia looks at the room that has served as a refuge for the last hours, but it seems that it was just a tiny bubble that separated her and Ben from the outside world. And now it will cease to exist. She looks back at the scared boy. Leia remembers every moment she has shared with him, being the most precious thing that she has. What a joy did she felt when she had the opportunity to hold him for the first time.

And maybe now was the last time.

The Senator nods at the general and gets up, looking around the room when another explosion impacts with the ship. She goes through her things and puts a few more in a small bag that she ties to Ben’s wrist.

She holds the toddler tight against her chest, wanting to remember his smell and warmth forever. He’s going to survive, he has to.

“He’s our priority, General.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Promise me that your men will do everything in their power to secure my son’s survival. Even if that means jeopardizing mine.”

“Senator…”

“Promise!” Another shake goes through the ship and the eyes of the Senator Leia now are reminiscing of why she was General in war times, and why she was able to successfully command an army to victory.

“You have my word, Senator.”

As soon as those words escape from the General’s mouth, Leia takes a deep breath. It didn’t take her a lot of time to guess that she would have to stay in the ship in order to give Ben an opportunity to escape. But she doesn’t care, not if it’s for him.

She tries to not think about it, to not let the guilt for bringing him with her on this trip consume every bit of his mind and body. Leia only wanted to show her little boy where her —and his— family come from, she wanted to see his brown eyes shining in the golden light of Naboo. And now she feels like she has to pay a high price for it. What would have happened if she hadn’t insisted on bringing her baby to this mission?

Tears start to burn in her eyes.

No, she has to remain focused on this.

Leia follows the General through the corridors of the ship, trying to remain calm, knowing that her son is very emphatic towards her feelings. She can feel his little heart beating fast and unsteady against her chest. He is strong, he will survive this.

The white surface of the corridors blend together as they travel, running, through them, only being cautious in not bumping against other people, as they try to reach the bridge as soon as they can. It’s cold, and sterile, nothing that could reassure a little peace in her during these moments. But she is —or was, a long time ago— used to these types of environments, when they called her ‘princess’.

When they arrive at the bridge, everything seems to buzz among the havoc.

A few panels are broken, others letting out smoke. A few officials are laying in the ground with wounds and blood. What Leia thought is that she had been in a bubble, naïve of what was happening to the ship and its real situation.

“Commander Nia’ks!” the General screams.

A woman, who is lying down towards the principal commanders, turns around, her feline eyes examining who dared to intrude the bridge in such demanding times. But her face softens when she realizes who they are.

“Senator, I might sound impertinent, but I think that you should be in an escape pod right now.” The yellowish eyes travel to the toddler curled in his mother’s arms.

“I believe that’s not the smartest move, not when I know I’m more useful here.”

There are a few seconds of tense silence, the weight of those words hanging in the air. Everyone aboard that ship know Senator Organa, but they also know Leia the general, and Leia the mother; and right now, they are all standing in front of a war general that will do anything for her son. Nia’ks nods to her, and screams a few orders here and there, all commands full of strategies to win some time.

With a heavy heart, Leia turns to the general, who is still stoic besides her.

“Put Ben in the smallest escape pod you can find. Then, send him to a place you think he will be safe.”

“Senator…”

“I don’t want to know the place. I can’t know it. If they capture me, they will want to know where he is, and I can’t allow that to happen.” Leia would never betray her blood, but she knows that physical pain isn’t the only torture that the First Order can induce. Leia glances at the little boy in her arms, who is looking at her with shining brown eyes, like he already knows what is happening around him. He has always been so smart. “We’re gonna part, my love. But I will go back to you, I promise it.” With those words, she’s saying goodbye to the most important thing in her life. “Be brave, for both of us.”

With tears in her eyes, Leia lowered her head to kiss Ben’s forehead.

“Know that we love you, don’t ever forget that.” Leia caresses the dice that Ben has hanging from his neck, a gift from his father when the little boy didn’t want to leave his side a few days ago.

Now, he has to go alone.

“Take him, please”, begs Leia, already feeling a piercing pain in her chest from losing little Ben.

“Mom…” The tinny voice of the child is heard for the first time, turmoil and fear making it almost unrecognizable.

“Be brave, Ben. We’re going to be apart from each other for a while, but I’ll come for you. Sweetheart, I promise it.”

Ben has to see something in his mother's eyes because he lets a small smile rise up in his lips, knowing deep inside him that she’s telling the truth, and that now he has to be very brave, just as her. And because of this deep feeling, this connection, he nods at his mom and then turns his head to the general who’s looking at him, not as a child, but as a boy.

Leia passes Ben to the arms of the general, who has a knot in the chest just seeing such a tender but heartbreaking scene between mother and a son. They will go fastest if someone carries Ben, he doesn't have his father's long legs, yet.

There are tears in the boy’s eyes, but he believes in his mother in the same way that he knows that the sun will rise tomorrow.

Something buzzes in the air while mother and son are torn apart, not knowing exactly when they will see each other again despite the promises.

Leia only allows herself to let out a sob when the metal doors cut their visual connection of each other. A raw need to let out all the pain that threatens to drown her. But that’s only a mere second, only a deep breath, because now she has to help all these people escape, and more importantly, an attack will distract the Star Destructor that stands before them to notice anything so little as an escape pod.

Still, the rush of the soldiers, the loud orders shouted across all the bridge, the sounds of cannons being shot and impacts against the façade of the ship, don’t do anything to stop regretting everything she has done till this point in his life. But she has to have hope, she has always had it with her.

The words that her brother had said just before embarking now resonates in her head:

“With the blood of a scoundrel and a princess in his veins, his defiance will shake the starts.”

And she hopes he does.

She wants him to defy every little thing that crosses his path. She wants him to become the man that she knows he can be.

Because he has been destined for great things, she’s sure of it. A shiver goes through her. Ben’s power isn’t something easy to mask, or something that she can pretend isn’t there. At first, she tried, —her husband as well—, but he was a year old when he started to show the power of his bloodline. She knew —and still knows— that the force can be something raw, feral and uncontrollable, able to destroy worlds; but she also knew of all the good that his boy could do if he was taught properly, to not fear that part of himself, but accept it and turn it into a tool, not a weapon.

But she holds into hope, embracing the thought that she will see him again very soon because this attack will end in a triumphant victory and she will be able to ask where he is hidden.

Her body feels alien to her mind, already processing everything and returning into old habits. War is, indeed, something that marks you till the bare bones.

And suddenly, she knows.

She knows he’s leaving this ship, and she knows that she has to do her best in keeping the Force balanced in order to mask the escape pod. And she also knows that she’s going to miss him so much, even if it’s only for a few days.

Leia feels as if her heart is being ripped out of her chest.

She pictures his smile, his red nose, that untameable hair, the constellations of freckles and moles in his pale skin.

“May the Force be with you, my little star fighter.”


	2. Chapter 2

Maz saw the escape pod falling from the sky, just as if it was a falling star. Curiosity filled her, so she had to go and investigate what happened. Even if curiosity killed the cat. 

And here she is, trying to sense her surroundings in search of the falling star that irrupted her morning walk.

Smoke and dust filled the air, and she knows she is close to whatever has happened. But that isn’t the only thing that buzzes around her, a tiny tickle in the back of her neck increases as she approaches what Maz thinks is zone zero. She has lived a long life, and because of that she has seen and learnt a lot of things. One of those is to pay attention and listen to whatever she can’t see, to let her surroundings guide her when her experimented sight can’t answer her demands.

And now it seems like the proper time to do that.

Step by step she knows, deep inside her, that she’s close, and that something huge must have happened near here. A simple order through her wrist system informs her home-droid to pay attention to the controls for any sight of large ships or unknown transmissions.

A small blaster tight in her leg doesn’t feel like enough protection.

Enough for what?

One last step and she’s in front of what it’is a ship crash. There’s a fire in the escape pod engine, smoke curling into the forest neat air and several pieces are scattered around the tiny crater the pod has created in the harsh landing. However, the escape pod seems to be… small. Maz has been to uncountable spaceships, flying herself many of them, and because of that she knows for sure that this tiny capsule isn’t the average size for a proper adult. Still, she feels —knows— that there is something inside it.

And she always knows when she has a good feeling about something.

Maz, being very careful, approaches the pod and taps a few times. But nothing comes out of it.

“Hello?”

No response.

She encircles the place, searching for a breach that can show her the inside. Luckily, on the opposite side where she started, there’s a small window. And she sees it. A small humanoid boy, black hair and blood scattered on his forehead. She searches for the door, or anything similar to an opening system that she could use, but she finds nothing.

With frustration boiling in her blood, alongside with concern for the poor boy, Maz picks up a piece that must have detached from the pod in the landing, in order to use it as a handle to try to open it.

Sweat starts to tarnish her glasses and her tiny hands are swell with the effort. But she keeps working on it, and she doesn’t stop still she hears a tiny and almost imperceptible sound that will be followed by a plaque falling to the ground.

Finally!

She doesn’t waste any time trying to remove more plaques, no; the hole is big enough for her to step in and help the poor boy.

Something inside her feels the strange atmosphere that is growing around the place, sucking the air and turning into something almost… alive.

“Hey, boy”, she says when she gets inside. But there’s no answer, and the slightly lanky boy doesn’t even move.

Maz crawls till she lays beside him. Surprise gets to her when she spots the fine robes that he’s wearing, nice fabrics with embroidery that tells her that these clothes have been made specifically for him. That doesn’t make sense in Maz’ mind, or the idea she started to shape in order to understand what could have happened. When she moves him from where he’s curled up, she discovers something tight in his wrist. A bag, and it’s much heavier than what it looks like. There’s what seems to be a few pieces of clothes, a rag doll that resembles the old resistance pilot uniform, and then…

Maz drops the bag and falls back.

That… It’s impossible… 

For a moment, she feels out of place, as if she was in a cloudy dream. But no, she still is inside an escaping pod, with a child she doesn’t know where he has come and a bag that has… a lightsaber.

A freaking lightsaber.

Where does this child come from?!

Any other person would have ran away from this place as soon as she saw the weapon, but Maz just takes a deep breath before approaching the boy, leaving the bag aside, and examines him.

He has a cut in his forehead that runs down from his eyebrow to the cheekbone. But it doesn’t look like a deep cut despite the blood that’s splattered in his face and his hair. She has to move him to her home.

That happened not without a lot of effort and the help of a plaque that serves as a stretcher to drag the boy through the forest. He’s a child, Maz has dealt with a lot of humans in her long life to know how their species age, but he’s almost half her size, and carrying him during all the journey back home, that was like an hour away, isn’t a realistic plan.

She struggles and the thought of abandoning him crosses her mind, but she keeps going, something inside her telling her that he isn’t just a boy. A normal boy doesn’t survive such an accident, and for sure doesn’t have an ancient weapon with him as a lightsaber.

He’s someone, he has to be.

Maz accommodates the boy in the upper part of her castle, where her private quarters are.

He isn’t just another guest and that’s why she heals him, wipes out the blood, revealing a tender face with moles, and also the wound that will probably leave a mark. She doesn’t have any bacta patch or anything more sophisticated than a piece of cloth, warm water and some antiseptic liquid to stop the infection, if there’s any. She also changes his clothes into something more comfortable and that doesn’t have blood all over it.

However, her hands tremble when she undoes the tiny bag. She has seen those decorations somewhere, but she doesn’t remember exactly where.

When all the clothes are folded beside him and his tiny doll under his arm, Maz takes out the lightsaber.

Legends fly all over the space, all those tales that she has heard for centuries about some ancient belief in something stronger than any of the living beings that exist in the whole galaxy. A balance, a Force that connected them all.

Why does this tiny child have such a weapon?

What happened to him?

Who gave him this?

Maz looks at the slick surface, with a few buttons on it and some mechanisms. This couldn’t be appropriated for a child, not after the events that he would have witnessed to end in such a situation and with such an ancient weapon. That’s why she grabs it and, after caressing the wounded forehead, takes it somewhere else.

* * *

It takes two full days for the child to finally wake up. But then, it’s like time stops.

“Where am I?” The weak voice of the boy cracks at the end. But the sadness floods his eyes when he looks at his hands, without any sign of recognition. “What… what happened?”

Maz doesn’t know what to say, because she doesn’t know any of the answers.

“I don’t know.” Maz gets up and moves to sit beside him in the bed. “You don’t remember anything? Of what happened?” She doesn’t want to push further than what she knows he might be able to handle, but there’s too much emotion in those brown eyes to just let it go.

“I…” he babbles. “I don’t… I…I don’t know!”

Too soon.

“Don’t worry, you’re in a safe place.” Maz gives him what she wants to believe is a warm smile. “I’m going to bring you something to eat, you must be hungry.”

He just keeps glancing at everything, just as if he is seeing the world for the first time, eyes filled with fear and panic.

“Can I ask you your name?” she says as softly as she can.

But that doesn’t have the effect that she wants —to make him feel comfortable, safe enough to trust her, she who has rescued him and healed him—, the question scares him even more and makes him let out a tiny sob.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.” He breathes out. “I don’t know!”

And then Maz recognizes what troubles those scared eyes filled with tears that start to run down the cheeks, wetting the bandages that protect the wounds. What has happened to this poor boy? What could have happened for him to forget even his own name?

“Do you want to have a name? A cool one?” Maz has never dealt with children, she’s a woman of pirates, mercenaries, smugglers, and other criminals who are far from scared boys who don't seem to remember anything.

The boy keeps stealing looks here and there as if something from his surroundings would give him some kind of answer. But there’s none, and he starts to realize that. He feels nauseous as if something inside him was breaking into tiny pieces to never ever be able to be put together, and it was only a matter of time that he breaks too. He doesn’t know where he starts, or where he ends.

He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t remember anything.

And that breaks him completely.

He starts crying and sobbing, scared of everything and anything.

Maz does what she feels she has to do, and it’s tugging him into a tight hug, trying to erase a little bit of the pain that this poor living thing has suffered in such little time. She caresses his back till the tears stop and the weeping is almost inaudible. Still, she doesn’t let go of him, not until he asks her for it.

That takes a few more minutes to happen.

“You know, once upon a time I met a brave pilot called Kylo.” Maz brushes away one of the raven locks of hair. “Do you like it?”

He just nods, probably trying to memorize those four letters that from now on will mean something for him.

* * *

What can it mean a name whose connection no longer exists inside him?

The only thing that gives him a sense that there was something before the crash, it’s the scar that now runs across his eyebrow and part of his right cheekbone. That’s the only thing that can tell him that he had a different life, one that he doesn’t remember, that it’s just blank spaces and screaming nightmares.

Desperation starts to fade with the years, the hope of regaining his lost memories banished long ago. He stops looking for familiarity in strangers' faces, why did he have to keep searching for something that wouldn’t ever come, or perhaps wouldn’t even exist. That’s a feeling that hits Kylo just when he starts to learn his surroundings, and he starts to give up on the feeling that there’s someone out there for him, to start acknowledging that it’s, in fact, the contrary.

He is an abandoned child, his parents —or whatever there was before— didn’t want him and just… let him go.

They didn’t care.

That realization made him an angry teen.

But Maz knew how to deal with him.

However, something inside him always crawls into the dark side of himself. That spot that pledges to fight anyone who looks at him for more than three seconds, or to whatever smuggler(s) that thinks he’s better than him. That spot that buzzes and murmurs things that he doesn’t want to hear or know, – fears and horrors whispered when he is unable to fight back the cold that runs through his body.

He always receives side looks from almost everyone. Maybe because he’s taller than the average, or because of his scar, or because he hasn’t let Maz cut his hair and he has it longer. Or maybe because there’s something off about him.

But he tries for her. She has always treated him with love, and acceptance. Just as if he was her son, someone from her family.

And that’s why he has never asked about his origin, or what happened the day she found him. He doesn’t want to sound ungrateful for everything she has done for him, or as if he was thinking to leave. He has built here what he thinks is a proper and honest life. He has a home, someone who he can call family and a job to do every day, so he is grateful knowing all the other possibilities that could have happened all those years ago. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! *general kenobi*
> 
> I really hope you're liking this story and how it's going... I can't wait to start developing the relationship of the characters and unfold the story for you all!
> 
> Thank you for you comments, bookmarks, kudos and everything!
> 
> pd. If you prefer a day or a specific hour for me to uploud, please tell me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, but university is taking everything from me... Like.... I can barely breath, so please take this chapter because I think that, till I pass my finals I don't know if I will be able to write more. 
> 
> Also, this is one of my favorite chapters that I have write till this date, so enjoy!

Kylo, as sleepy as he is, forgets to bend down the head in order to avoid the lower sealing in the corridor. 

“Fuck!” 

What a way to start just another boring ass day in his insipid life. Today is just going to be the same as yesterday, and probably tomorrow. However, there’s nothing that he can do to change that, there’s nothing outer for him, waiting or in hold, till he gets ‘back’. 

He lets out a deep sight and rubs his forehead. More than twenty years and Maz hasn’t done anything to heighten the sealing, at least the ones he frequents the most. And it’s not like he has grown in the last years, he has always been a tall person. Then puberty arrived and, because he helped Maz during a whole year to extend the place, he’s also a board one. Which means that he also plays the part of a bodyguard when someone in the cantina does something that goes against Maz laws. 

Still, she did nothing to adapt the place to his height. 

He accommodates the shirt he has slept on, realizing that it has a hole in the front side. 

Fantastic, he would have to amend it or beg Maz for a new one. If not… well, he doesn’t care that much. 

“Late work, Kylo?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Without saying anything more, he sits in front of the breakfast that she has prepared.

“You have to sleep. You can’t function without a proper bal…” 

“I know, I know.” He takes a bite at whatever lays on his plate. He has never been someone exquisite. “I promise I’ll try.”

But Kylo already knows that, despite any try or any intention that he can have, it won’t take the pain away, or the voices. Images fill his dreams. Some of them are recognizable, Maz training him when he was a child or when she told him tons of stories, but others are just strange pictures that he doesn’t know where they came from, or what they meant. But those are the ones that he doesn’t mind. The ones that keep him awake are the ones that are filled with strange voices that tell him things that he doesn’t understand, or that scares him. Dark words that make him anxious and create a strange and electrifying feeling at the tips of his fingers. 

Those are the worst, the ones that mark his under eyes and then he can’t control his… anger, fear, bad temper and a strange fear to fight with anyone that breathes too close. 

He just shakes his head and continues eating. Today a new cargo will arrive and Maz will need his help to unpack it, so it will be for the best that today he remains calm. He always can go to the forest to spare and release all of his frustrations. 

“Maybe I can give you a tea.” Maz sits beside him, not wanting to let go of the subject. 

“Maybe.” 

“Are you trying to hide something from me, boy?”

“No,” he answers as fast as he can, but then he sees Maz piercing eyes focusing on him, so he changes his answer. “It’s not like that. I just… Bad dreams.” He lowers his shoulders. “But it will be fine.” 

“You can’t control everything, Kylo. Sometimes… There are things that are out of our reach, but that doesn’t mean that we’re weaker or something like that. You just have to talk about it, and try to search for an answer.”

That last sentence hits a special spot inside Kylo.

“What happens when I don’t know what I have to talk about, or it just banishes when I open my eyes, far from the question I want to answer.” 

The air in the kitchen seems to shift to a colder ambient, both voices still resonating against the stone walls. 

Maz knows that Kylo has always seen his blank past as a weakness, as something that puts him in a lower position than everybody else. He doesn’t see that surviving such an accident could be considered a miracle, but as something he quite regrets, which scares Maz because she doesn’t want to see him in that mental state. He’s his worst enemy, who puts all that pressure as if he had to demonstrate anything to anyone. 

“Not all the answers are valid. And not all the questions need to be answered.”

“You just say that because…”

“Stop. You’re starting to spiral in your own mind and I haven’t gotten my tea. So, let’s teat our breakfast, then you will move your ass to help me with the cargo and you will try to fix R2-J3 how’s starting to babble, and then… you can do whatever you please. Even if it’s sitting beside the lake and think about the meaning of your existence.”

Kylo snorts at the sarcastic tone that Maz has used. 

“Thank you, Maz.”

“You are welcome, kid.” 

A tiny smile, that doesn’t go unnoticed to Maz, appears in Kylo’s lips. It always warms his heart to hear her call him ‘kid’. Even more after he grew up and now is almost two times her size. But still, it remembers him of the days where she taught him how to fly, or how to fix everything because they live too far from everything, so getting someone to fix it whatever is damaged, isn’t realistic. 

He’s now who fixes everything that can be fixed. And he prefers it, he is not a ‘people person’, so he prefers to stay in the workshop doing what Maz tells him to do or if any client needs some type of repair for their ship. 

He remembers when he was younger and wanted to fight every person that looked at his direction, to hide beside the staircase in order to pick at some bar fights, wanting to learn how to move, or what was the best way to throw a punch. Then it was that the best way to learn how to fight was, indeed, fighting. Soon after, when Maz discovered what he was doing —which lead to an enormous argument—, she made him promise to stop being so imbecile, and in exchange she would teach him how to shoot a blaster and fight with some weapons. That was enough for teen Kylo to stop being so reckless, and it also helped to let go of all that rage that he had inside him. 

Kylo burns himself out in hopes that the physical exhaustion allows him to sleep, or at least a little bit better. He also tries to sneak on the cantina part of the Castle in order to catch some news about what’s going on in the galaxy. 

It’s an uncertain time. More than ever. 

Being in Takodana has always felt as being in its own bubble, too far away from the conflicts and existing only because smugglers and space pirates needed a place to drink. However, during the last years, the galaxy has become more and more dangerous. Maz has even stopped doing ‘business trips’ because of the risks that they mean.

The First Order is being louder than ever, and not even the Republic seems to be able to stop them, making the people lose any kind of hope or vision for a better future. 

Not even the rumors about a ‘Resistance’ ease the hearts full of fear that now travel to the outer rim in hopes to avoid the war that it’s already taking place in more political based planets. 

Kylo has seen a few First Order’s ships fly near the planet, but luckily they have never had to face anyone coming from that organization. That’s the main reason why clients always pick Maz’ castle to stop by and refuel or rest, because they are pretty neutral in those affairs, even though Kylo has a feeling about which side Maz would pick, even she has never said it out loud. 

Well, at least that was what he thought. 

“Stupid and selfish beasts”, barks Maz sitting at the dinner table. 

“A nasty client?” Kylo doesn’t believe that’s the problem. She has always been great at dealing with problematic clients. 

“Clients, if you may say.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “The First Order has done an incursion not far from here… It has been a massacre.” 

A knot tightens inside Kylo. What are they doing so far from… everything?

“How do you…?”

“A client told me. He left the plant a few days ago. Now he’s planning to travel as far as he can.”

“Do you think that hiding could be an option for us?” he says almost in a whisper. 

Silent falls down the place as if such a question makes everything more real, not just something that’s happening far from them so they don’t have to worry about it. This begins to be a real and close problem, more than one that is far away or that will never reach them. 

Was the galaxy ready for another war already? 

“I’m not going to push anything to you… I have never done it.” Maz takes Kylo’s hand. “However, I have always fought for what I believe is the correct path, and I can’t stay crossed armed while people die. I have never stopped fighting alongside the brave people that have the guts to face such monsters.”

“You know that I’m always going to stand beside you.”

Maz squishes Kylo’s hand, proud of the man that he has become. 

“I’m sure the Resistance would be proud of having you in its lines.”

* * *

Rumors spread faster than dust, and fear can be sensed in every corner of the Castle and all Takodana. More attacks were confirmed by travelers and people started to pick sides, even unconsciously. The ambient is much tenser than ever and Kylo has to step in to separate and disperse a few fights between opposite sides. What had been a neutral space now was invaded by differences and conflicts. 

And today is no different. However, Kylo hasn’t barely sleep this night and he swears he can still hear the voices that haunt his dreams while being awake. 

Messy hair, dark circles beneath his eyes, moody eyes, tense shoulders and a thin line in his usually plump lips. And he just wants to hide the warehouse or the workshop in order to avoid any contact with other living beings that can end in a way the Maz would despise. But she is the one that calls him late in the afternoon, when the clients are more than just tipsy, in order to try to fix a little holopad that a close client has. 

He hates being among others. 

“Kylo!” calls Maz when she spots him, louder than what he would have liked. “This is Admiral Holdo, a close friend who I trust.”

Kylo just nods as a salutation towards the woman with the lilac hair. He also notices that she dresses nicer than anybody in the place, which tells him that this must be a unique situation because she wouldn’t frequent this place under normal circumstances. 

“Kid”, whispers Maz in his direction. “This is very important and, also, confidential. So you have to keep it in secret and be discrete.” 

Kylo huffs, a little annoyed by Maz clarification. 

“What is wrong with him.” He really tries to keep his voice calm to not show the irritation that bubbles inside him.

“The transmissions, they stopped working”, says the Admiral with calm voice. 

“Couldn’t it be that whoever is sending them has stopped.” He doesn’t want to sound pedantic or sarcastic, but he can’t help it. 

“Believe me, I’m sure that those transmissions are still working.” The woman pushes the holopad towards him. 

Kylo sights and focuses on looking up the most common failures such as configuration and battery. It’s in that moment when he reassures himself of his suspicions that there is more to the situation than what Maz is letting him know. But he still works in silence. After checking up a few settings, he turns it downside and with a knife, he checks the back side panel, which confirms him that the principal connection with the transmitters are too old and in need of a replacement. 

“This is just an old model, the connection is weak and the cable is burned out… The best option would be to change it because…”

“No.” Despite the fast answer, Admiral Holdo keeps the calm façade. “It has to be this one, please.”

Kylo looks at Maz, who nods at him, and then back to the fancy woman. 

“I’ll see if I have one of these cables in the workshop.”

In his way back to the table, after scavenging through all the plates and scattered pieces of old things that he has accumulated over the years, he feels a sight in his back. He turns in just a second, but he can’t say who it is. 

The piece is tiny but easy to replace it, that’s why it only takes him a few minutes to change it.

A message pops on the screen at the same moment he turns it on. 

‘Senator Organa has sent you a message.’

Kylo raises a brow, curious as to why such an important figure is sending a message to this old holopad. And that’s when he realizes a tiny, tiny symbol in the left corner of the screen. The symbol of the Rebellion. 

This is why he hasn’t gone to a fancier place. 

“Someone has sent you a message”, he only says before handing her back her holopad. 

The eyes of both women open in surprise when they see who it is. 

“You can’t say anything”, pleads Holdo. 

“I won’t say anything.”

“You can fully trust him, believe me.” 

After a few more ‘thanks’, both women start to talk again between them, so Kylo takes that as a sign to leave. 

Senator Organa. 

Organa. 

That name tickles in his head, something very strange is if it was supposed to be familiar with him, but he can’t see behind the fog. The mere sound of it provokes a feeling of more, of need. He wants to be realistic and think that this sensation is because she is a senator, so he might have read her name somewhere, or heard it in the mouth of some people who talked about politics. However, a tiny part inside him, like a small star, burns for him to dig a little bit more. 

He’s so fixed thinking about the name that he stumbles against someone. 

“Look where you walk, dude!” The rude man pushed him, something cold brushing against his bare wrist. 

All his anger surfaces, but he tries to fight against that part to screams: ‘Punch him. Hard.’

“Move”, Kylo says through clenched teeth. 

“Make me.”

That’s just enough for Kylo. 

Something inside him just changes it. He is just there, standing with clutch fists, but at the next moment he has one hand raised and the angry-looking man has a hand in his nose. Kylo has punched him. The next few seconds pass in what can be a sigh. 

Despite Kylo being taller than the other man, it just takes a few moves to realize that he is an experienced fighter. And he has backups. A Twi'lek and a Zabrak stand behind the first man, hands in their blasters ready so use them.

But Kylo can only hear that dark voice in his head, that curls and twists inside of his body just as if it was pure poison. And he wants to succumb to it, to let all that power that starts to boil in his blood, whispering for a release and an opportunity to be free. 

Kylo uses his elbow to stop a punch that was directed to his cheekbone, and with that, he has a free path to a knock him out. But he’s fast, more than any other drunk guy he has ever faced. Still, he won’t back down. He swallows his pain and throws another fist, hitting the man in the shoulder so Kylo can do another move towards his jaw. 

“Bastard!”

He has been called bad names before, and most of the time he just tries to ignore it. But every letter of that affront stings the same way it would do a wound. 

He just throws himself towards the insider, with no thought of letting him go at least with a black eye. 

Maybe because he’s taller, or because he’s stronger, Kylo starts to feel as if he is winning the upper hand in this fight. Sure, he has received a few knockings and he just knows that the metal bar he has been thrown at will leave a mark tomorrow, but while sweeping away the blood of his nose, he starts to relish the ways he will make this asshole apologize for just speaking to him. 

But the Twi’lek man approaches him with a growl and throws his elbow to Kylo’s face, making him savour the blood in his mouth. Before he can even react, the Zabrak grabs him from behind and twists his arms into a painful move that makes him grunt in pain. 

The stranger gets in his full size, taking advantage that Kylo can’t stand up properly, and spits out in his direction.

Everything starts to blur around him, he can’t see anything clear, figures and shapes shifting and moving. But he _can feel_ , he feels every breath and every change that his surrounding made. He can feel the anger, the pain, the blood that stains the floor of the cantina, the uncertainty of the men that are trying to grab him and keep him steady. He feels every rush of _force_ that runs through the place. 

Something instinctive awakes inside him. Just as if a wall was reeling from an earthquake, ready to be broken at any moment, unable to keep it together. 

There’s too much inside him, and he doesn’t know what it is, what’s that thing that crawls inside him with any intention to stop or to be restrained. 

It just needs a little push, something that throws him off the cliff. 

“At least you don’t have to beg me to not ruin a pretty face.” 

And the cutting edge of a knife brushes against his neck. 

That’s just enough. 

As a supernova expanding her power one last time, something inside Kylo explodes without control, pure rage bleeding through every pore of his being. He has never felt so powerful, so full of strength that he thinks that he can destroy this place to ashes with the mere movement of his hands. And he wants to, he wants to burn this recondite place and the ones that now look at him with fear.

Good. 

“ _Where are you._ ”

“ _Hmm… I sense turmoil… darkness._ ”

“ _Let those feelings be free._ ”

Yes, he wants to let them free to show that he’s not just another one, that he has something that distinguishes him from the rest. He wants that, whoever abandoned him when he was just a child, regrets it with every fiber of their body. 

“Kylo!” He feels a tug in his lower self, it’s strong. “Stop, kid!” He wants to rub it off, to dismiss it with just a simple move of his hand.

But then he sees familiar eyes looking back at him in awe, an expression a few times she has directed towards him. The dizziness starts to face, the edges of his vision becoming clearer and brighter. The three men who he had been fighting just a few seconds ago laying in the floor with their hands around their necks, an expression of pure horror tinting 

Everyone is looking at him, Kylo feeling (as) like an outcast once more. What has happened? Where does the metallic savour he feels at the back of his throat comes from? And those voices… why are they so familiar? Does he know them?

He’s trembling just as he did all those years back when he dreamt about crash accidents and parents telling him that he wasn’t enough. 

He turns to Maz, in search of comfort, a hand that he can take in order to step back into reality again. There’s nothing, just bewilderment, uncertainty and a little fear. If he scared who is supposed to be his only family and the person who knows him the best, what would all these people that look at him as if he is a monster think about him? 

Cold starts running in his veins and his mind presses the autopilot for the next action. It’s too much to think about it right now. He just acts by instinct, or by what he needs right now: air. 

Kylo stands as much as he can with his trembling legs and runs. 

There isn’t a destination, just a primary need to get out and put as much distance as he can between him and whatever happened inside the cantina. Everybody moves to let him cross the place, not even Maz does something to prevent him from running away, and no one wants to face the man who almost choked to death three men because of pure instinct. 

His mind is all over the place, unable to focus on or at anything. Moments of his life passing by as he stumbles his way out. 

In his head there’s only the need to escape, to take this thing that’s inside him and that threatens him to burn everything that just wants to breathe, to live. Tiny sparkles numb his fingers and ears, a buzzing sound making him unable to focus on anything but that monster that keeps shouting and whispering at the same time inside his head. 

“Stop!” he shouts atop of his lungs. 

Runs, runs and runs. The urgency of needing something else to focus being palpable in every beat that his heart does. 

It just feels as running from a shadow that wants to consume you, but you can’t ever escape it because its stronger, and faster, and more powerful. 

His legs start to hurt, and his lungs start to beg for a break. He tries to push himself to the limit, to see if he can break himself into million pieces that would just disappear from the world. Kylo keeps just going, barely able to breathe, clinging to the trees he passes by in order to push and support his running. His hands hurt and suddenly the world stops around him. 

Cold, blackness, desperation, anxiousness, insignificant, useless, dangerous, revolted, aversion, ashamed, empty, abandoned… Isolation. 

The blue sky upon him seems too vulnerable for him to keep looking at him, branches pinning at his body in the humid soil. 

A scream breaks through his body and painful tears start to roll out of his eyes. 

They burn against his skin. 

He does his best to only focus on his breathing, in trying to slow down the frenetic rhythm of his heart. Some birds are singing in the distance and the cold of the floor seems to work as a tranquilizer. 

Just when he can stop the sobs, he allows himself to open up a little bit of his disastrous mid. And just when he does it, a question that hurts him to his core slips through it: 

Is he a monster? 

Kylo has never felt anything as what he has just experienced. He has been angry, a lot of times, and yes, he had to count into infinity to not break something or someone. Still, he never loses control. Not like this. 

He moves his hands, blocking the warm sunlight. There are a few scratches, and the hands are red. It hurts, but he doesn’t care because the physical pain excuses him from feeling the pain that it’s starting to grow in his head. 

He really did that, doesn’t he? 

The world is just too much for him right now; he can’t face whatever awaits for him back in the castle. Even though he isn’t sure if he wants to return, not only because he doesn’t know where exactly he is in the Takodana’s forest, but because he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to face Maz —the others in the place can fuck them up—, the person he has always seen as a role model, as a saviour. After all those years full of tantrums and fights, this has been the first time that she has looked at him, not as his ‘kid’, but as if she regretted saving him back in the day. 

Wouldn’t have been better if she did? What will happen now with him? Does this outburst mean something outside that he has severe anger problems? Where does this come from? Has he always had this inside him or…?

Suddenly, as if he was going back in a holopad, he starts to visualize the start of the fight, something cold brushing against the thin skin of his wrist. He moves the palms of his hands to try to inspect the… There’s something. 

Ignoring the overall pain that he feels in his boy, Kylo sits up straight to try to examine the reddish mark that now sits in his pale skin. 

His head is going to explode at any moment with so many questions. 

Maybe it could have been a simple weapon that he has no knowledge of. For sure is not that deep and his subconscious is just trying to excuse and explain his behaviour. There’s nothing out there that explains what has just happened. Is he mad? Can that be a possibility? And can this be connected with the voices that he swears he heard during the fight? 

He lets out a sigh and grabs his hair, pulling it a little bit too tightly. 

He doesn’t want to be scared of himself, he has enough things in his mind to add just another one. 

* * *

It’s past midnight when he starts walking again. 

Something in hiking under the stars, with no sign of anybody near him, is peaceful and at the same time, scary. Even more, if there’s no acknowledgment of his way back. But he doesn’t care, at least not tonight. Besides, he has always been good at guiding himself through the forest. Kylo just hopes that this part of himself doesn’t let him down in such a moment. The last thing that can happen to him in such a disastrous day as today, is that a feral animal attacks him, leaving him dying forgotten in the soil of the forest, alone. 

However, contrary to what he has felt during the day, something more comfortable takes place inside of him, and maybe because he starts to be too tired to question everything that his mind conjures, he just lets this part of himself guiding the way back home. Kylo would describe the strange sensation like a tiny lighthouse in his guts, navigating through the darkness and the trees. 

The notion of time seems to fade as he just keeps walking, an always continuous path in front of him, with no scape or shortcut. 

Kylo swears that at some moment he falls asleep, only that his legs by now only know the action of walking so they keep going. That why he jolts a little bit when he starts to see lights in the distance. He just hopes that he hasn’t mistaken the direction and ended up being in another city where he would have to call Maz to pick him up because he’s just like that, scares the shit out of his maternal figure but calls her to pick him up in a foreign city. 

How dumb.

Kylo shakes his head and tosses his messy hair a little bit. Maker, he’s for sure looking as bad as he’s feeling. 

But he can’t hide in the woods forever, even if that option is tempting. 

He’s conscious in making his next steps loud in order to alert whoever waits near that there is someone there. If they are harmless, they would move away, if they are a threat listening to their response could gain Kylo a few seconds to make his brain work into salvaging his ass.

In a change of events, and being one of the options that Kylo hasn’t even considerate, Maz’s voice is heard all around the place. 

She’s screaming his name.

“Kylo!”

And again, and again, and again.

There’s fear in his voice, but not of him but _because of him_. 

Something as the feeling of being shot by a blaster hits him in his guts. He can’t but fall to the ground, kneeled and unable to make a move or even breathe too harshly. Everything hurts and his body is beyond exhausted. The air seems to weight over a thousand pounds, his shoulders sinking on his own body, threatening him to just collapse at any moment. 

The surviving part in him shouts for awareness, to keep fighting and to keep going on, just a few more meters. He has always fought, in every department of his life, in every decisive moment, he stood by himself. But now, it just feels too much, as if the mere thought of doing some kind of movement to just let his position be known. 

But Maz has this sixth sense that she has always bragged about, so it only passes a few minutes since she hears him for the first time, and then she founds him.


End file.
